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[15 Mar 2005|07:38pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

For how boring this winter has been, I think that april will thankfully be more exciting! a few days in vermont, aka massive snowboarding HEAVAN! lol, BAMBOOZLED at the end, OH BAMBOOZLED, so many bands.... I plan on watching lots of bands and partying all night after each day!!!! mmm, the concept of a 3 day festival is yummy. its gonna be me, my friends, my partners in crime, and a few of my favorite bottles of vodka.... oh what a time it will be :)! and there are some other things going on in april/may, but those are the ones highlighted on me HOTT meter, anywayysss, I'm just super bored, I need to go work out soon, later

touch my gouche

[06 Mar 2005|09:55pm]
[ mood | amused ]

"So I guess this is where I lay.....", yo, uhhh, let me see whats been up, snowboarding, and work, and stuff... lol, I missed unearth and atreyu cause my car was in the garage costing me a fat 300 bucks to fix, mmmm, just what I always wanted, haha. I got my ears gauged this week, I like how they look, I went straight to a 4 gauge, and that was from scratch, so for anyone who doesn't know, that means I had a needle the width of a pen stabbed through my ears, it was an odd feeling to say the least, but I actually thought it hurt more when I got regular earings last year, I guess I have a strange threshold for pain, I dunno. but they look hot, I like them alot, and its always fun putting stuff into the tunnel cause I got flared eyelet plugs, so I can put fun stuff through my ears, exciting huh? somehow in the time since I had them pierced, my dad hasn't noticed, and I mean, i don't care how pissed he's gonna be about it (which he is cause he'd old fashioned like that, I mean, 1850's style) but I mean, he didn't notice, which was crazy cause he's a buzzard about that shit, he didn't talk to me for like a month after I got my eyebrow pierced, so I can only imagine the wonderous things that'll happen this time, it'll be an adventure, but I don't really care too much, why? cause fuck'em, thats why. lets see what else, oh yeah, there is a girl I work with that I totally want, and she's fine, which is a plus considering that the main thing that attracts me to her is her outta this world personality, I seem to have an affinity for girls which pretty exciting personalities, I guess it fits me though, I'm not exactly a normal dude, which is an understatement in my mind, lol. anyways, maybe someday I'll have to balls to ask to go and hang out sometime, the biggest thing that worries me though is the fact she's 23, lol, I mean,thats not toooo much older than me, but still, it'd be a trip. :) I dunno, I get some super mixed signals about her, but I'm pretty sure that she flirts with me alot, and she's damn cute, like, DAMN cute, haha, I guess I'll have to see, I might just ask her to chill with me sometime, if anything it'd at least be a good time cause she's crazy, haha. anyways, I guess I am done ranting about really nothing..... "beneath the rafters, the angels sing........"

touch my gouche

[17 Feb 2005|09:35pm]
[ mood | amused ]

wow, so hey check this out, I'm on the internet, lol, and posting on here, for the first time in only god knows how long... I guess things have been all and much the same for me as they always are in the winter, work, snowboading (PRIORITY NUMERO UNO! lol) and whatever else I do. umm valentines day was this past week and I was single again, its weird, I always seem to start dating a girl after or break up with them before valentines day, kinda odd, but it makes that day that much lonelier, I mean, come on, who LIKES being along in valentines day? like I broke up with my last gf like 3 weeks ago, and its all good, she was crazy and I ended up not liking her very long, lol, but hey, when doesn't something like that happen to me either? but I have had a much better outlook on things the past few months, life is life, and you have to take the good and the bad in stride, and the bad things tend to affect me less lately, and I enjoy it, its also helping my confidence a little bit, cause I know I needed a huge boost in that department! no fuckin kidding! lol. umm, snowboarding is amazing as usual, although the weather could be a little more helpful! I mean, DAMN, this winter sucks weatherwise! I think I am going to start entering competitions next winter, boarder cross and maybe slolum, we'll see, I know that I am realllly good when it comes to riding so we'll see next winter how everything turns out. Got a few good concerts coming up, UNEARTH AND ATREYU! that is going to be amazing! they both are amazing live, and I can't wait to see them again. and I think a couple days before that I am going to see Matchbook romance and motion city soundtrack, I wanna see mbr again soooo bad, so hopefully I can go to that show too. uhhh... I really dunno what else to say, soo I am going to head out, later everyone.

touch my gouche

sound effects/ and overdramatics I suppose [17 Nov 2004|11:24pm]
Its so nice, sitting very still in a room where no one else can feel; the pain that breaks my heart each day, I'M NOT OK. Sunlight shining through my window, lets me know that I'm still alive, but why did I ever let you inside my heart? I'm such a fool...
touch my gouche

[17 Oct 2004|10:22pm]
[ mood | amused ]

hey woah yeah, I'm totally writing something in my journal!! haha, I haven't updated in forever, but who cares?! prolly nobody, I don't care. hmm, whats been up? working a TON, getting ready for school, and looking for somebody to keep me in line and make me smile, its been a challenge, but I'm not trying too hard, it will come to me, I know it will. umm... I dunno, I honestly can't say too much has been going on, I gotta get one of my ears re-peirced cause I got it ripped out at a concert thursday night, painful, not pleasant, and bloody, not pleasant, lol, well at least the show was good. :). I'm going to get the first of a few tattoos I have planned soon, which should be sweet, I just wish they weren't so fucking expensive, lol. hmmmmmm, I really guess I have nothing to say about anything recently that sticks out in my mind, anyways, later to anyone who reads this... "I never caught my breathe, every second I'm without you, I'm a mess" oh yeah, IN LOVE AND DEATH came out! I was waiting at the door at best buy to get it the day it came out, I'm such a loser, but it was totally worth it! me likey! anyways, BYE !

1time| touch my gouche

[12 Sep 2004|11:58pm]
[ mood | awake ]

soooo its offically 5 minutes into my 20TH YEAR!! holy shit... I'm old, and I've got really nothing to show for it, no gf, not too many friends left here, and I've managed to lose friends totally since highschool ended.. its crazy... I'm not a teenager anymore but I feel like I am 15... something is not right there, and being 20 is fucking scary. I mean, I guess I don't care, I think the most painful thing is going to be the pain of realizing just how many people don't care its my b-day, or that I am 20,I mean, I suppose they dont' have to remember really, but it would make anyone feel good to feel remembered and loved, even if its just outta kindness and nothing else. anywho, I'll see how that goes, I almost don't care anymore, I've really given up on so much I thought I never would... oh well, I will make the best of it, and be 20 starting from now on... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME?! :)

1time| touch my gouche

woooooahhhhh .......surprise me I'm looking out.. [06 Sep 2004|12:00am]
[ mood | awake ]

hey hey everyone, just figured I haven't updated in quite awhile... sooo here it is.. lol, umm not too much going on really, just working, skating, and getting prepped to start school full time in janurary, yayness! umm... I guess nothing has really been going on with me, its the same thing every day and its nothing fantastic, haha, so I have nothing exciting to say... ummm, ohhhh yeah, its my b-day in a week !! oh man, I'm gonna be 20! thats soo old, 20, and single... thats just sucky, lol, well we'll see how the world turns for me as an official adult.... but NOBODY better expect me to really change, haha, its not gonna happen, I am gonna mature a little, but I refuse to change who I am, I like being me usually, lol anyways... laters to all of the people who read this... prolly nobody, but thats ok, I like talking to myself :)

3times| touch my gouche

warped tour funtasticness... [18 Aug 2004|11:34pm]
well, warp tour rocked! minus I had to leave early, got there late, and for the SECOND TIME THIS YEAR!!!!..... I MISSED COHEED AND CAMBRIA!!! ARGHHHHH, lol, thats just my luck, I ran into allll kinds of problems today, but it was all good, it was still fun! on a lighterish note, holy shit, I was in AWE of all the attractive girls :), my personal favorite was the hot girl in the mini-skirt crowd surfing during SOTY, lol, that was hot as hell, plus she landed on me and nick, haha. anyways... it was all good fun although I missed 1/2 the bands I wanted to see, anywho, I'm done with this for now!
touch my gouche

[14 Aug 2004|02:33pm]
blah blah, bla blah blah, blu blee blah bluh..... I'm still alive, yay for me?!
1time| touch my gouche

[04 Aug 2004|11:35pm]
got my hair cut finally... bought a few new cds in me liking, somehow bought coheed and cambria and didn't notice, lol, me not very smart at ALL considering its the same cd I have had for like since it came out in october last year. hmm, letter kills is pretty good, I was expecting more, but its still pretty good, I'm starting to feel better finally!!! and I NEED TO SHAVE !!!! bye
1time| touch my gouche

hello.. [31 Jul 2004|04:55pm]
[ mood | drained ]

I think its been awhile since I put anything on here, I'm not quite sure cause I have add to detail, hmmm... anyways, I've been pretty busy with work and some other things, I've felt like shit for like 4 days now, I'm not sick... I just feel shitty, its weird, not quite sure whats up with me, but anyways, I called into work yesterday in order to rest so I could feel better, and my dad woke me up at 9:30, made me clean my room, and then clean my car, my car took FOREVER to do cause its been like 2 months since its gotten a scrub down, so I made a sandwhich when I was done, halfway into my sandwhich my grandfather calls me and asks me to come help him, so I spent 3 hours spreading hay all over his new yard, which was formerly trees and now is a flat dirty area in whihc hw wants to grow grass, I mean, he flipped me 100 bucks for the 3 hours, so it was worth the work, damn easy money, I just wanted to sleep and I ended up calling out of work for nothing really. so I kinda lost in an aspect there. hmm... I can't believe its the last day of july already, I guess time really flys when you wish for it to stand still. this summers been quick, and it really hasn't felt too much like a summer at all. actually the summer is usually a good time for me, but this summer honestly has just felt tormentive, I am not even sure why, it just seems like nothing at all has gone my way, but thats the way the world works, and I know that it'll be my time to shine soon, MY TIME. I need it too, so I can always look forward to knowing that fate, or luck, or whatever things factor in my life will change for the better for at least a short time, when it happens I'll grasp it. I missed out on senses fail, and mcr last night, I am kinda bummed, I could have gone, but I wasn't feeling too super, and I would have had to have gone alone, although its all really about the music, I still would have felt damn lonely. so I missed out on a good show I assume, there will be others. umm... I dunno what else to say I guess, I've been doing pretty good I suppose, so uh... later everyone, and if anyone ever wants to do something, or talk, give my cell a call 717-6059, goodbye

touch my gouche

[24 Jul 2004|01:29am]
I am the worlds stupidesr person, I really am, and to anyone I've fucked things up with... I'm sorry, I need to stop what I do sometimes... bye
1time| touch my gouche

[21 Jul 2004|04:01pm]
hey everyone, just checking some things and thought I would write in here quick, if anyone has read my last entry, that was a joke, (if you didn't catch that, lol) so nobody need worry about me, unn.. I dunno, I guess thats it, bue everyone, I am not smart enough to think of anything else, lol, SHOWER TIME!
touch my gouche

[19 Jul 2004|12:47am]
I've come to realization, that you should never worry about what COULD have been, or what you missed out on, or even what you COULD possibly have had .. its all about whats next... don't look back at the past and try to make it catch up... if something happens, FORGET IT, if somebody breaks your heart.... FUCK THEM, and if you hurt yourself thinking about something or someone that treated you like shit when you wanted to give them the world.... FUCK THEM TOO! honestly... the simplest answer to the hardest riddle I have ever had to face... if something or someone doesn't want me around, then I don't want them around, its the way the world works, and in the craziness that it is, that somebody will miss you, whether they will admit it or not, I just wish to see the face of the world that doesn't want me... when I'm gone.... they will miss me... its the way it is, there's no hiding the truth///// maybe this is about someone? maybe it isn't? maybe I am just rambling insessantly about a converstion I had with my friends earlier? maybe i'm not? I know, and I bet you all think you know... I bet you think you know, and will react to this thinking that there is something wrong with me, or I'm pissed at someone... don't you wish you knew?


and for my update.... all is fine in the world of me :), atreyu was amazing AGAIN!!! dizzamn! I hurt my bad ankle though, and got a fat lip from getting shinned in the mouth, haha, its alright, but my lip stings from just about EVERYTHING!!! haha.... umm..I dunno, mikey leaves again tomorrow, it was great to see him again, and I am gonna miss him something terrible when he leaves again. but, everyone leaves someday, and I know that, I am good with it. I honestly don't have too much to say I guess... umm, hung out with ivy and hayley tonight for a bit, hayley gets cuter every time I see her, lol, oh well, its my curse to like her when I know she isn't interested in me.. I will live on! haha, I'm gonna go to bed soon, me need sleep, I have a long 48 hour day ahead of me, LATER
touch my gouche

hey [12 Jul 2004|01:10am]
hey everyone.... summary.... I haven't slept much, SUPER TIRED, working alot now, still trying to find time to see those I care about, its hard but, I'm trying, and in some cases failing.. I will try harder I guess. umm... worked 10 1/2 hours today, skated, kacked, skated, hacked, and then played Paper Rock Scissors, ala bert McCracken... fun shit. uh... I guess I'm just dead tired and not feeling so hot now, I am gonna go, me needs me some seepy... later all..
1time| touch my gouche

[08 Jul 2004|02:16am]
[ mood | calm ]

hey hey everyone, just doing a super quick update... haven't been up to too much lately, work, hanging out, and what-not, I think I am going skating tomorrow before work, I dunno, I'll see how I feel, I am QUITE tired right now, lol. hmm.. saw spiderman 2 the other day, I liked it, it was a good movie, saw it in the new theatre, that place is damn nice. met one of randy's gfs friends tonight, laura, oh dear, she is damn attractive. nice body, pretty face, and shes really nice, I am not going to try pushing anything with her, cause I doubt it will ever happen, but hey, miracles happen sometimes right? lol, oh yeah, NOT FOR ME :)... anywho... got a few things goin on in my head lately I don't really wanna discuss in here, alot of old feelings and shit bouncing around between my ears and in my chest, its prolly nothing, but its definately been on my mind lately. uh... ATREYU!!! july 17th, I am going, YAHTZEE! uhhh... I'm done, I am super duper tired and I have alot on me mindy, later all, and to all a good.... morning, haha

1time| touch my gouche

cursed... [30 Jun 2004|12:59am]
[ mood | I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER.......... ]

I think this is the most excited I have been about a cd release.... just about ever! lol, I got the new atreyu today when it came out, and I am QUITE happy with it, its alot different, you can tell the band has matured and change, but of it still rips... I pretty much worship them... haha, can't help it, its awsome stuff. you can still tell its them, but they are much better, although I do love the old cd MUCH. I am super ADD right now, I can barely focus enough to type this... it sucks. oh well, possibly the greatest thing, is a bonus track on this new cd, its a hardcore remake of Bon Jovi's "shot through the heart", its awsome as hell, I like it. umm... I haven't been doing too much, just skating, working, and hanging out... oh yeah, reandom thought, for some reason yesterday me and nick and jimmy got hit on, and or complimented by girls quite a few times, (me and nick mostly) and the scariest part was, they were really really really cute, lol, I dunno, that usually doesn't happen to me, I think its because I am very unconfident looking, and I'm trying to be more confident about what I do, like yesterday, actually really really helped, I hate feeling helpless with girls, lol. anyways, I will see how things turn out for me in the long-run. and nicks 'pretty' too, haha. anywho, I really have absolutely NOTHING worth saying.... at all... I dunno, I have tomorrow off, maybe golf? skating? something, I don't wanna sit around at all day... I think I am going to zumiez to buy that skateboard I ordered from paul a couple of weeks ago, but then I will be poorer, and that sucks, lol but most likely I will, I like new skateboards, lol. well, again, I have nothing to say, I'm going to go, later all

touch my gouche

maybe if you would think about something other than yourself.... you would see the whole picture [21 Jun 2004|02:58am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

a few words that seem to remind me of who I am... blood, drama? what drama? unlucky, ouch, music, nervous... and confused. I guess if any words instantly would make me think of myself, those would be it, lol. reasons for each..... Blood/ I tend to bleed more than most because of skating, snowboarding, and all the other fun things that make me bleed, Drama/ hmmmmmm... lets not get into this one, haha, Unlucky/ actually, its more like lucky, but the kind of luck I'd prefer not to have, OUCH, a term I use quite often for the extreme amounts of mental and physical pain I deal with, ranging from a lot of different things, Nervous/ lets just say this problem makes it seriously hard for me to handle things, sometimes things so simple as going into a store or walking through certain places, not a fun time. CONFUSED/ prolly one of the more evident of all these things, need I say more? and I guess I can add one more.... NICE GUY/ I consider myself a nice guy, and if people don't have a problem with treating me like a human being, then in most cases they will get to see the real me, which, because of the nervous thing, is hard for alot of people to see that, which leads to one more word I guess, MISUNDERSTOOD, when people don't take the time or make the effort to get to know me, they interpret my shyness as something else, and people often don't like me before they even know me... but hey, its life right? I dunno, I suppose none of this is really bitching aobut anything, I'm just incredibly bored and just talking about anything... but I also suppose people will read this, and think I am extremely depressed or angry or something, I mean, I'm not the happiest camper in the girl scouts, but hey, who is? right? lol. I just totally don't feel like sleeping right now, although I should, but again... its not happening. uh... for people who dig some of the same music as me, check out Hawthorne Heights, pretty good stuff, I like it. I'm listening to the newest slipknot disk, its..... good, but not exaactly what I expect from them, alot more melody and alot less of the fury that sometimes sounds like angels in my ears. but hey, I guess this is just showing they can write a little more mainstream stuff, which... I dunno, I am not sure how I feel about it yet, lol. my legs.... look like someone got to them which a rubber mallet and a cheese grater, lol, I skateboarded and bladed tonight, so the boarding left alot of lumps and bruises, and the blades used to concrete and asphalt to eat away at my legs, lol, pleasant huh? more random conversation... I decided this fall I am having my nose fixed, so plastic surgery if you will to remove the calcium deposit on the left side of my nose from breaking it twice, in order to make my nose straight again, so it will make the center of my face more normal looking, in turn hopefully making me a prettier guy, haha, I mean, its not terrible now, but I just feel I'd prefer having it back to the way it was origionally before I broke it the first time in 6th grade, and then again in 9th. I'm just tired of not being considered a good looking guy, I do my best to be a good guy, and naturally I don't like being mean, it hurts me to hurt other people, but what does that matter if a girl doesn't take the time to get to know me because I'm hideous? I don't even meet many girls because of this. lol, but seriously, there is pretty much only one girl that I care for, we've gone out before a long time ago, I just feel too ugly for her sometimes because she's a cute, blond, cheerleader type (minus the shitty attitude) and I'm me. I'd love nothing more than to get back together with her, I just don't think she's interested at all in having anything with me again, but hey, thats just fine because she's a great friend, and always has been for me, she's a good time and I've had some pretty deep converstions with her, so I can live it up like this too, lol, I can hope though, right? wow... I am talking ALOT, haha, about pretty much nothing, and I really don't care, because I kinda wanna talk to someone now, but its.... almost 3:30 in the morning and everyone else is sleeping, so this will have to do, lol. wow, now that I am through more of this slipknot cd, I think the hardcore fans aren't going to like this disk, its NOTHING like the first 2... its not bad music, but I'M actually a little disapointed myself because I was expecting hard hitting stuff... and its mostly acoustic stuff about inner turmoil, and like 3 songs have a symphony... lol, which is almost scary considering... oh yeah... ATREYU!!!! CURSED!!!! 9 days and I AM EXCITED BEYOND BELIEF!!! I've had Suicide notes and butterfly kisses since it came out early 2002, and its been a favorite of mine since... I heard 2 songs off that new disk in concert last month, and the second one, was just craaaazy... like, it knocked me out of my shoes crazy, so yeah, I'm excited, :) haha, I think I'm done, and I suppose that I wrote so much that nobodys gonna read this, haha, but its cool with me, I am perfectly fine with that :) *oh dear god I can't see the light!* later everyone, live life for what you can... and love while you can... words to live by I guess... haha

4times| touch my gouche

[12 Jun 2004|10:32pm]
[ mood | blah ]

hey everyone, or, no-one, it doesn't matter, just leaving something on here to let everyone else and myself know that I'm still around and alive. I've been doing alright lately, nothing too awful going on suppose, I just always feel empty no matter whats going on, I could be doing the best thing thats every happened to me, and right afterwards, I'd feel empty and not know why, I dunno, it really bugs me and it feels to me like I have things missing in my life. but otherwise, alot of working, skating, and... just hanging out I guess, I haven't done much more than that at all this past week. Skating has been pretty good, its always good to get out and skate, when youre happy or sad, its an "all seasons" sport for the mind. uh... its june already, thats just crazy, I've been so fucked up for the past few months that it almost seems like they haven't existed! I mean, I didn't drink or get stoned, but for some reason, it feels like I wasn't there, or here, or anywheres the past couple of months, it sounds crazy, but don't remember anything signifant over that time, and, ITS JUNE!!! damn time flys! nicky's graduating, and other people as well, and thats just crazy, and pretty soon more people will be leaving, and this place will be about as lonely as they come, which means, I am gonna have to leave too, lol, oh well, I have to leave, this place and some of the people seem to bring me down, and elsewhere might be different, prolly not much, but at least a scene change, lol. on a personal note, I may not be great looking or what not, but I think in most cases I am a really good guy, and I don't think there are enough girls here who realize that, which is another reason I need to leave, I don't like feeling alone and misunderstood by girls because I'm shy, it gets tiresome and SHITTY! so if I go to a place with more girls, I would at least like to hope to meet one girl worth meeting. I dunno, that was random, but thinking about leaving made me think of that. umm... I think I am done being random, and I'm gonna waste some time, I can't beleive I am home this early on a saturday night!! DAMMIT! lol

3times| touch my gouche

Pain; from fhrowing my insides out.... [07 Jun 2004|10:18pm]
All I ever wanted was to see how it would be...... ONE SMALL CHOICE


and someday my sweet frustrations will bloom...
touch my gouche

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